A Sign Of The Heart

por·tent
noun
1. a prodigy or marvel
2. an indication of something about to happen, especially something momentous
When you’re angry it’s difficult to sift through the information presented to you.  All you can SEE is the fuel for the anger.  The source of this constant, infuriating dissatisfaction.
Sounds like fun, right?
So you begin the dance.  Do you speak your mind and let the chips fall where they may or do you play it safe and take the “high” road.  Not sure where that saying originated from but maybe they should call it what’s playing in my head it really is, “know your place, stay silent, and smile as I give you the choice (which is really a non choice) as you take it” road.
Like I said, anger doesn’t exactly promote serene visualization methods.
But just when you think things aren’t going to change, you get out of the car and you get the indication.  Initially I walked right by it.  And then something made me stop, turn around, and go back.
Was it?  Could it be?  The symbol I needed?
To my amazement, there it was.  In the midst of my one channel program, plain as day and in such perfect form.  A perfect, timely reminder to hang on.  Onto what was growing inside her.  Stay the course and it wouldn’t be long now before the signs of new life would be seen, continue to grow, and to beat fully on it’s own.
The seeds which had been planted and had begun to conceptualize- that something is abut to happen, something momentous.
Today, a sign was brought my way.  There on the asphalt… a sign of the heart.  Thank you.
SignoftheHeart
A Sign Of The Heart

Sense Of The Lingering Illusions

e·lude
verb
1. to avoid or escape by speed, cleverness, trickery
2. to escape the understanding, perception, or appreciation of
Did you know dragonflies have been around for 100 million years?  Yup.  It is said they have an amazing ability to adapt to their surroundings and survive…clearly!
Dragonflies are often portrayed in Japanese paintings as representations of new joy and light.
“On the other side of the Atlantic Ocean, in Ireland and parts of Europe, dragonflies were associated with fairies.  Some fables and fairy tales, if you will, told that if you followed a dragonfly, it would lead you to fairies.  Others said that they were the steeds of fairies.  This leads to an association with magic.  Dragonflies are so full of spiritual energy and a sort of magic, that they represent the ability to travel between dimensions.”  Nice.
According to the Native American Lakota tribe’s mythology, dragonflies can teach illusion.  They symbolize that things may not always be as they seem and that life itself is not always what it appears to be.
So what does this have to do with clarity?  Well, ironically, for a word which has come to be my compass in knowing, it also continues to direct me to SEE the gift in parts of life which don’t make sense.
Sense of the lingering illusions of what we once dreamt for and that there IS magic yet to be found in these parts of life which have eluded us…and this in itself results in clarity.
Here’s to all the dragonflies in my life.
You fly into my path just when I need to SEE the most.  Thank you.
Dragonfly
Dragonflies

That Would Be It

e·nough
adjective
1. adequate for the want or need; sufficient for the purpose or to satisfy desire interjection
2. usedto express impatience or exasperation
adverb
3. fully or quite: ready enough

 

4. in a quantity or degree that answers a purpose or satisfies a need or desire; sufficiently
What is enough?  How do you know that you will always have enough?  How do you know when you have enough?  Should I have more?
Seems to me, we always want more.  So, I guess we’ll never have enough.  I mean, I can’t seem to sit still in my thoughts about this item.
I can’t figure out if I’m being greedy or lazy.  Greedy because I think and often believe that at this point in my life, at my age, I should have more.  Just more of everything, money, property, contentment, possibilities, food, ambition, smiles, patience, foresight, and maybe most…a life.
That my existence as it is, for some reason isn’t enough?
And lazy because without certain things existing in my life, should I want to fill that gap with more?  More of everything to over shadow an emptiness?  An emptiness which sometimes feels as vast as the universe- no matter what I have more of.  I guess the real answer I am in search of is whether my life is valid as is? Or is it in need of more?
Most times, time is running circles around my life that I don’t even have the capacity to be still long enough to ask these questions.  And I only do when that voice from within can’t be ignored, won’t be ignored.
Instead of cultivating the circumstances of my life, I strewn my anxiety, into doubting why my past, present, and future presence has been enough, is enough, will be enough.  How others would never want my current existence. That they would want more for it.  And if that were true then why wouldn’t I?
Right?  Shouldn’t I want…to want more, always?
A moment of genuine peace of mind is rare in this world.  If there’s anything I want more of, that would be it.
Would I then be satisfied in a quantity or degree that answers my purpose?
Would it finally be enough?

 

LegO My EgO

e·go
noun, plural e·gos.
1. the “I” or self of any person; a person as thinking, feeling, and willing, and distinguishing itself from the selves of others and from objects of its thought
2. conceit;self-importance:Her ego becomes more unbearable each day
3. self-esteemorself-image; feelings
Philosophy~
a. the enduring and conscious element that knows experience
b. Scholasticism~
the complete person comprising both body and soul
5. Psychoanalysis~                           the part of the psychic apparatus that experiences and reacts to the outside world and thus mediates between the primitive drives of the id and the demands of the social and physical environment.
Why is it such an uphill climb to SEE the self as it is?  What is it about acceptance which causes such barriers?  Basically everything.
Don’t know about you but I haven’t always been open to having my…let’s say…opportunities for growth pointed out to me.  Why?  Because often times the information being disseminated is true.  What’s tougher on top of this, is when the realization hits, that had you not been so opposed to SEEing it, you could have saved yourself years of inner angst.
Having to put aside your own fear, and face who you really are, is not a simple task.  But it is a worthwhile challenge to undertake.
Once you start this climb, you slowly come to SEE the features you have fought so hard against in accepting, as parts of you which you wouldn’t be YOU without.  And those parts were present for a purpose,  Your unique purpose.  And if anything about the road which led you there was changed, I wouldn’t be me.
Shocking concept right?  I know!  All this time I was fixated on explaining or defending myself.  That when I may not have been “in line” with others and fearful of hearing how that difference meant something was wrong with me.  Versus allowing myself to simply evolve.  That my journey was my own and just as valid- even if it was completely different than “the most”.
The place where self acceptance didn’t lead to self hate but to self love.
It is an ongoing lesson, this notion of letting go.
And in this case to Lego my Ego only to gain a more complete person, body and soul.  Without the demands of the worlds social and physical environments.

The Receipt Of Your Own Blindness

dis·close
noun
1. Obsolete
verb (used with object)
2. to open up; unfold
3. to cause to appear; allow to be seen; lay open to view
4. to make known; reveal or uncover~to disclose a secret
Super Heroes have a way of finding out things.  Some, you may not want them to know.  Why?  Maybe because it’s none of their business or maybe it is, and you chose to ignore this.
I thought the deal was to be transparent with people in your life.  At least the ones you genuinely care for.  Or else why bother having them in your life?  So what happens when you find out that someone hasn’t been straightforward in their dealings involving you?
The choice made next will determine much more down the road than it does in the immediate moment.  It will involve how you SEE this person, yourself, and the values you once held as vital, for many days to come.
It converts your belief from a place of security and knowing, to one filled with doubt and confusion.  It forces you to engage with a new reality-one divided between another’s hypocrisy and the receipt of your own blindness towards it.
So why can I SEE it now?
As with most mass, enough time and pressure will erode even the most impenetrable of armors…leaving nothing further to disclose.

By Giving Me Yours

heart
noun
1.~Botany
the core of a tree; the solid central part without sap or albumen
2.  good condition for production, growth
3.~Zoology
a.  the homologous structure in other vertebrates, consisting of four chambers in mammals and birds and three chambers in reptiles and amphibians.
b.the analogous contractile structure in invertebrate animals, as the tubular heart of the spider and earthworm.
4.  the center of the total personality, especially with reference to intuition,feeling, or emotion
5.  the center of emotion, especially as contrasted to the head as the center ofthe intellect
6.  capacity for sympathy; feeling; affection
7.  ~Anatomy
a.  ahollow,pumplike organ of blood circulation, composed mainly ofrhythmically contractile smooth muscle, located in the chest between thelungs and slightly to the left and consisting of four chambers
8.  a person (used especially in expressions of praise or affection) spirit, courage, or enthusiasm
9.  the innermost or central part of anything
Dear You,
“They” say love makes you weak in the knees.  What about calves?  I woke up this weekend and I could barely walk across the room.  Anyways, if the knees are the first to go when you fall in love, what happens when love ends?
When you are the one who didn’t want love to end, the lasting affects can be especially traumatic.  At least for an unknown amount of time.  This is what sucks-the not knowing “when is this feeling going to end?”
Along with the high you once felt, the lows are just as deep.  The astonishment you once felt and thought, “how did you get this lucky?”, turns to a stunning sense of shock.  The shock waves ripple like a missile to the place inside, leaving you convinced you can never let anyone in there again.
This missile blew my soul into so many pieces.  It was unimaginable that the pain would ever recede far away enough for anything alive to have enough air to survive.  It would be a long while before an outsider was given an insiders view to this special space.  To allow them to occupy me fully again.
But then one day it happened.  The surge of vitality caused me to awaken and SEE.  I could feel life beginning to pump throughout me.
It was because of you.
There are moments of realization which are fleeting.  If you blink one too many times, they can be lost forever.  You are a once in my lifetime moment.  The time when the world came together just long enough to make me SEE.
The planets aligned.  The force of it allowed the universe to resuscitate me.  You brought back the innermost part of me, by giving me yours.  You have my heart always.  Thank you.
I love you.
~Me

 

In My Mind’s Eye

im·ag·ine
verb 
1.  suppose or assume
2.  form a mental image or concept of
~believe  to exist or be so visualize, envision, picture, see in the mind’s eye;
Just when things are going haywire, and I find myself preparing for a forecast of thunderous bolts…the universe sends a sign.
As I walked, a simple sign dropped in my path.  Placed perfectly to get my attention and redirecting my focus.  Did this really just happen?
I imagine YES, it did.
Thank you world- for knowing just when to intervene.
Yet again, allowing me to see in my mind’s eye.
imagine~Photo by TruptiJust when things are going haywire, and I find myself preparing for a forecast of thunderous bolts…the universe sends a sign.
As I walked, a simple sign dropped in my path. Placed perfectly to get my attention and redirecting...
Mind’s Eye

There’s A Quiet Storm

ta·boo
noun, plural ta·boos
  1.  a prohibition or interdiction of anything; exclusion from use or practice
  2. (among the Polynesians and other peoples of the South Pacific)
    a.  the system, practice, or act whereby things are set apart as sacred, forbidden for general use, or placed under a prohibition or interdiction.
    b.  the condition of being so set apart, forbidden, or interdicted
  3. exclusion from social relations; ostracism
adjective
  1. prohibited or excluded from use or practice
  2. proscribed by society as improper or unacceptable
Interesting concept wouldn’t you agree?
In a way, like the rain when it falls.  It comes down sometimes without warning but needed each time.  I think it’s like you.  Some things in life are known by simply living them.  This is you.
Simplicity, comfort, and peace is what you provide…just like the rain’s rhythm.
How can this be wrong?
Why are we drawn to that which we know is not good for us?
Or is that just the voice of society defining what we should want vs. following the quiet storm bounding us to our sweetest taboo?
Sweetest Taboo~Sade
If I tell you
If I tell you now
Will you keep on
Will you keep on loving me
If I tell you
If I tell you how I feel
Will you keep bringing out the best in me

You give me, you give me the sweetest taboo
You give me, you’re giving me the sweetest taboo
Too good for me

There’s a quiet storm
and it never felt like this before
There’s a quiet storm
that is you
There’s a quiet storm
and it never felt this hot before
Giving me something that’s taboo
(Sometimes I think you’re just too good for me)

You give me the sweetest taboo
That’s why I’m in love with you (with you)
You give me the sweetest taboo
too good for me
(Sometimes I think you’re just too good for me)

I’d do anything for you, I’d stand out in the rain
Anything you want me to do, don’t let it slip away
There’s a quiet storm
and it never felt like this before
There’s a quiet storm
I think it’s you
There’s a quiet storm
and i never felt this hot before
Giving me something that’s taboo

You give me the (you give me the) sweetest taboo
That’s why I’m in love with you (with you)
You give me, keep giving me the sweetest taboo
Too good for me

You’ve got the biggest heart
Sometimes i think you’re just too good for me
Every day is Christmas, and every night is new year’s eve
Will you keep on loving me
Will you keep on, will you keep on
Bringing out the best in me