4. a light, small, portable, usually circular cover for protection from rain or run, consisting of a fabric held on a collapsible frame of thin ribs radiating from the top of a carrying stick or handle
5. any general kind of protection
6. something that covers or protects from above
The days which are chilly, wet, gloomy have their beauty to. I often think if I were weather what area of the world would I call home? Would I have a multiple personality of the seasons? Would I the heated temperament of the desert? Or am I the sunny days and brisker nights of the West? I know what I like best? Warm, even hot days by refreshingly cool waters, which get finished off with warm night breezes preluded by the richest of sunsets. Yah, that’s for me. The way you are for me.
Slowly I have come to SEE the light in and of you. As I allow myself to be open to them, the lessons of sharing a life with you become KNOWN. What am I learning? Well, under your cover is where I have often found rest from my weariness. A space of unconditional shelter. A safeguard created for me, in defense from the elements of life.
Thank you for always offering an umbrella of redemption, deliverance, and salvation.
1. the identification of something as having been previously seen, heard, known
2. the acknowledgement of something as valid or as entitled to consideration
3. can act of recognizing or the state of being recognized
4. the perception of something as existing of true; realization
With five planets in Retrograde this month, And tonight a full moon but the sky’s been hazy. No wonder I am having some fogginess. When you need clarity the most, it’s then that it’s often the hardest to find. Especially under the cloak of doubt clouds slowly covering our source of light. Ever noticed when you need to SEE the most, things go dark?
Now that’s timing. Brilliant!
This doubt, which I believe has been caused by radical change, is creating fear. Is that a trifecta or what?
But the whole reason I initiated this level of change, is because I was actually fearless. So now that these feelings have managed to seep in, I remind myself of how long I had muddled about in an attempt to avoid the light. Also known as The Aimless Ages.
I am not returning there.
First, one needs to recognize why the fear exists.
WHY?! This is where the LUNARtic moment comes in. Not going to lie, sometimes, it would make life a whole lot easier if someone just told me why vs. having to figure it out on my own. And in this moment, while in the throws of full on frustration mode, the lightbulb went off.
Fear is created by one’s own inability to face the reality of a situation. Even when initially faced, fear can remain. Then, just as the clouds come in, they slowly pass by, bringing in recognition of all you were willing to risk and finally allow “to thine own self be true.”
Within this moment of internal brightness, you can stand up to fear and say, “Excuse me, you’re in my light.”
1. to obtain as a profit or income for oneself by trade, labor, or investment
2. to convert into cash or money
3. to make real; give reality to
4. to bring vividly to the mind
5. to grasp or understand clearly
There is nothing like that feeling after I’ve talked to my mom. I would never have imagined that something, seemingly so simple would have such power and significance. Especially when we didn’t have those type of talks all the time.
She’s a classic beauty. She was this way from the beginning. My grandfather talked about this all the time. As proud parents do.
She has the sweetest voice and when she says “I love you to beta”, the vibration sent through my heart is indescribable. (“Beta” in Gujarati dialect: someone younger, who is your child or you view in the same capacity.)
She is stronger than any substance, matter, and person I’ve ever known. Growing, fighting, demanding to be SEEn (as herself). Solid to the core. Through all the obstacles, disappointments and heartache she experienced, she never wavered in her resolve to survive. In a world a woman didn’t always have a voice, she created hers. Evolving to a higher sense of purpose.
I realize more than ever, what type of sacrifices she made for me and my sisters. To ensure her children had more, better opportunities to be themselves and follow their dreams. The type of love which can only come from a mother’s limitless dedication for her child. Helping her child to SEE they can survive anything…even the reality of never being able to be a mom. Making sure I survived one of my life’s most perplexing puzzles.
Here’s to my mom, who helped me realize that there is ALWAYS more of the story to be told and my next chapter awaits.