1. an acquired behavior pattern regularly followed until it has become almost involuntary
2. a particular practice, custom, or usage
3. a dominant or regular disposition or tendency
4. addiction, especially to narcotics
5. mental character or disposition
6. the characteristic form, aspect
7. garb of a particular rank, religious order, profession
I know myself better than I think. You know how I know this? Because I have these moments.
These moments which have been coming silently (but feverishly) for some time. But I’ve been ignoring them.. Until recently I had been too caught up in solving some crazy peoples problems and counseling their needs, to pay enough attention to mine. Any wonder I wasn’t happy or very sane.
I get we all do this from time to time. Some of us have children to care for, some have parents which rely on us. But when you give too much and get little to nothing in return, there is most definitely a problem. Nothing like some time away from the madness to be able to SEE clearly.
I could now understand why I stayed as long as I did. It became a validation of who I thought I was. As humans we validate ourselves in the strangest ways- material ways, with things, people, property. Ironically, if there isn’t a solid inner foundation, the attainment of such things usually doesn’t return much in the area of fulfillment and joy.
I recommend, sooner rather than later, to get out, before you begin to feel to safe and those you work for fail you. Easier said than done as poor habits are hard to break.
But with a new predisposition of mind, I am forming new modes of growth by way of more positive, prevailing character, to take me where I was truly meant to fly.